By Kenneth R. Walls & H. R. Schorr
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Additional resources for Up From the Ashes
I walked through a fog, passing Pastor Jennings without even seeing him. I walked into the bathroom, grabbed the sink to hold myself up, and stared into the mirror. I can still see that image in my mind: my face, red and swollen with grief, tears streaming down my cheeks. Nothing made sense. Why was this happening? After it was all said and done, the doctor filled me in on exactly what had happened during the delivery. It turned out that the dead fetus had caused a reaction in Theresa’s body. She had lost all the amniotic fluid, and the little body had been resting in her dry womb.
We had family showing up at the hospital. Pastor Jennings was there. All kinds of people were here to encourage and support us, and I had no idea what to tell them. I remember walking out of that room before the delivery, when I couldn’t stand the thought that Theresa might see me crying. I walked through a fog, passing Pastor Jennings without even seeing him. I walked into the bathroom, grabbed the sink to hold myself up, and stared into the mirror. I can still see that image in my mind: my face, red and swollen with grief, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Surely now that the sin was in the open, my willpower would be stronger. But my willpower would never be strong enough. It might work for awhile, but eventually a new temptation would overwhelm it. But confession was hard, and her reactions would escalate, growing more and more volatile as the betrayals mounted. “Why would you let this happen? Why can’t you just say no? ” Finally, I told her I would get help. After all, my own willpower hadn’t been working. So I sought counsel from Pastor Bill and Pastor Jennings.